Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I'm Such an Evil Mom (Warning: RANT)

I refuse to let my daughter miss school to get her driver's license (no, that is not mine or any other living person's real ID).  If she's sick, she needs to stay home.  If she's not sick, she needs to go to school.  I asked if they would be open the day after Thanksgiving when she doesn't have school. 

"It doesn't matter, I'll be with my father."

"Your father can't take you?"

"You're going to make him do that, too?  He paid for my driving lessons and is buying me a car. You make him do everything."

He paid a couple of hundred dollars for driving lessons.  Big deal.  I paid 2000 dollars for braces, 800 for cosmotology classes, 107 dollars for a letter jacket the school "awarded" her (the jacket was free but the patches cost 107 dollars), I'm spending my life savings to stay here and go to school instead of relocating to where the good jobs are so she doesn't have to move during her last 2 years of high school.  I don't do anything at all.

OK, that last one is for me almost as much as it is for her.  I need to get my degree.  But I would move to someplace less expensive if I didn't have to think of her, too. 

I think she should buy her own car.  I'll give her a bicycle to ride around town until she can afford one.  There are over a hundred miles of hike and bike trails here.  She wouldn't have to ride on the street.  The mall and half a dozen restaurants are within walking distance of our apartment so she doesn't even need a car or a bike.

I know she is only repeating what her father is telling her.  He likes to do things for us and then complain about how I don't appreciate him.  I didn't ask him to do anything.  He always wants something in return.  That is not generosity, that's an attempt to manipulate and control us.



Tallshag said...

Oh, I dunno...she may be parroting what her dad says. But I think I can hear a sixteen-year-old girl talking when she speaks to her mother that way.

Right on for you, making her buy her own damn car. She'll be sooo much prouder of it and maybe (just maybe) think a little more about being safe than she would have were a car furnished her.

Even if you could just throw down a wad of cash and buy her a car without batting an eye, you are still doing right, making her earn her ride.

LL Cool Joe said...

I think she should get her own car too. If my 15 year old decides to learn to drive and wants a car then she needs to earn the money to buy one herself. She gets too many things without doing anything in return. She has no idea about the value of money.

Kate said...

She'll appreciate it when she is older. I would have been the same at seventeen

kenju said...

Let her read this post.

Jen said...

@Tallshag: If her father buys the car, the decision is out of my hands. I will not be contributing because I do think she should buy her own car.

@LL Cool Joe: I tried to teach my daughter the value of money by giving my daughter an allowance. I wanted her to learn to budget. When she runs out her father gives her more, so that didn't work.

@Kate: She is much more appreciative now than a few years ago so you are probably right.

@kenju: I was tempted but she hates being stuck in the middle of our arguments. It's really not fair to her...and I do believe she's beginning to see through him...I warned her to be careful that his or anyone's "gifts" didn't come with too many strings...

John said...

From the ages of 15-20, it's amazing how stupid our parents are. Then when we reach the age og 26 or so, we are amazed at how much our parents have learned in such a short period of time. I think you have the right idea about how to handle it. It would be a lot easier if "Dad" was on the same page huh?

Jen said...

@John: I can't figure out if he's trying to manipulate me through her, attempting to manipulate her into doing what he wants, or just doesn't get that he's not doing her any favors. Maybe it's a combination of all three. "Dad" has never been on the same page and only speaks to me when he wants to insult or threaten me. He can't understand why I always hang up on him. He's only "speaking the truth".

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