Friday, December 11, 2009

Small Town vs Big City Dating

I grew up in the middle of nowhere - literally.  We were 6 miles outside the city limits of a tiny little town with a population today of 1111, according to the latest census.  That is probably double what the population was when I was living there. 

It was not possible to date more than one person without being labelled a slut.  Everyone knew what everyone else was doing.  Once you agreed to a date with someone, you didn't talk to any more guys until you broke up.  If a guy was asking several girls out at once, they all found out and became angry.

When I got divorced and re-entered the dating pool, I was living in Houston - population 4 million.  People here routinely date several people until it gets serious.  Only then will they feel compelled to stop meeting others.  That took a long time to get used to, and I'm still not completely comfortable with it. 

It's completely unreasonable for me to tell Poker Guy he can't talk to that girl any more when I haven't known him very long and still am not sure if I even want him to be my boyfriend.  I hate when I see her comments on his Facebook page, but I say nothing.  I don't know why it's so weird for me, it just is... 


gayle said...

It would be weird for me too!!

Vince said...

Dating does not involve sleeping together, right. Just dinner and other sort of chaste fully dressed fun. For how your post on Houston reads on this side of the Atlantic might best be written in that 17th century term, wenching.
It is just marvellous how a common language can divide.

Jen said...

@gayle: I've met her and like her. I think that's why it's weird for me. He says they're good friends...

@Vince: Most people are NOT ok with multiple sex partners, even if they are seeing more than one person. We have a word for that, too, and it's not very nice.

Anita said...

He's probably very happy having two attractive (I assume) female friends.
Do you know what will make you sure about wanting (or not wanting) him to be your exclusive boyfriend?

Vince said...

Look, poker guy is the better part of a thousand miles away. Now, as much as you like him you will never move that distance.
So, you have a choice, marathon-running, kayaking, cycling. Well you can add another sport when visiting Ohio or Nevada.

Jen said...

@Anita: He'd have to prove he'd make an effort in spite of the distance for one. I don't need a boyfriend that doesn't do what he says he's going to do and isn't there for me when I need him.

@Vince: Never is a long time. Don't forget my daughter will not be dependent on me much longer and I am currently unemployed. You are right that it's probably not likely, though.

Tallshag said...

Vince makes a good point about a long-distance relationship and it's one must consider as the bottom line or common denominator in everything that happens between two people who are far apart. This is one I know from experience, and I learned to temper my feelings and emotional inclinations accordingly.

A person doesn't always have that much say in what their heart tells them, but their head has the final say about what to do with feelings.

It's not something you really have to think about that much at the "just having fun" point where you are now, but it is something that you need to keep in the back of your mind nonetheless. The fact that you referenced your daughter being on her own in the near future and your not being tied to a job, shows that you have already thought along those lines.

Yeah, I know of what you speak when it comes to facebook and dating. Making peace with the fact that there are other daters is just part of being single. And the small Southern town I grew up in was not very much bigger than yours.

From my perspective as a single guy, I have never minded competition although some guys HATE it...I just figure, the other guys are somebody for me to be cooler than! heh

Post a Comment