Sunday, May 16, 2010

Sticks and Stones

My sister-in-law sent a friend request on Facebook. She said she would like to get to know me. When I had dinner with my other brother we were discussing her, her husband, and the kids. They are raising them the same way we were raised. They yell at the kids for the most minor of transgressions...telling them they are stupid, worthless...

I'm not going to approve her request.

31 comments:

Ronda Laveen said...

Ha! Would love to be there when she sees that. Understandable though.

blueviolet said...

I can't blame you!

Brian Miller said...

yeah i would not either...

Minka said...

Does anyone tell them how they feel about the way they raise the kids?

Ms Sparrow said...

I learned in Psych 101 that we all have "parent tapes" in our heads and that it's hard not to keep running them when we become parents. It might be good to tell them to start making their own gentler, kinder "tapes".

Vince said...

It takes some very serious work to smash patterns, but the start is the realisation that there are patterns there in the first place.
Women marry/live with men like their fathers and men like their mothers. Why. Because that's all they know or consider normal and are no matter how bad comfortable within it. Sad but true.

jack69 said...

This is very serious. It is strange that over the years I have known children raised that way, some take a "I'll prove I am not" attitude, while others start believing it. Either way I personally think it is terrible, because that statement may be true for adults, but not the tender mind of a child.

He & Me + 3 said...

Wow powerful post. Verbal abuse is hard to ever recover from. Good for you. Thanks for commenting on my blog today. I love to meet new blogging friends.

Mama Hen said...

Hey Jen! Thank you for visiting Mama's Little Chick! You got a new follower. Hope to see you around the Hen House!

Mama Hen

Gropius said...

It seems cruel, but exposing yourself to that sort of nonsense has a strong impact on your own psyche. I'm glad you're avoiding it! What a powerful image you posted with this. Thank you for visiting Gropius!

Just Breathe said...

That is very sad news. We are supposed to learn from the past.

She Writes said...

Don't blame you

That corgi :) said...

I wouldn't approve her request either; sadly, some parents parent like they were parented because they don't know any other way, even though they "swear" they don't want to be like their parents (but often they indeed are). I always think each new parent needs a mentor to help them learn how to parent because some people just don't know what is the "right" or "wrong" way to raise their children. My pastor at church said, and I have heard it from others, that it takes 10 positive remarks to make up for one negative one. Seems like these kids' bank of positive statements could be running real low about now :(

betty

gayle said...

Don't blame you!! I would have to take to her and her husband or report them.

Kelly said...

Words can be powerful weapons. I don't blame you for rejecting the request.

Rob Strickland said...

I've had to not approve 'friend' requests from extended family before, because I didn't really know them and wondered about their motives.

About this FR I thought of the old saying, 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.' But nah.

Are your brother's kids old enough to be on facebook? Establishing contact with them would be the only other reason I would've considered approving that FR.

Sarira said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sarira said...

(Sorry, I had to delete my comment cause I hadn't finished ;P)

Hey Jen,

Ms.Sparrow and Vince took the words out of my mouth.

I might have 'accepted' her friend request only to keep tagging her in notes about how to raise kids in a healthy way. You know, the not so subtle hint. Also, maybe I would have put up some lectures/things to let her realize what kind of effect she's having on her kids...

I'm glad though that you were able to come out of your childhood, realizing that was wrong parenting. I hope you still don't have too 'many scars' from the verbal abuse. I know words can have a very lasting effect.

....Petty Witter said...

Like you I've failed to add people to my FB page &, I confess, I've even deleted one. Why have them as your FB friend when you wouldn't choose to have them as your friend in any other circumstance?

Ekanthapadhikan said...

I sometimes get this feeling that some couples have kids only because the man has enough good sperms in him and the woman has a good enough egg in her to be fertilized almost every time they want to have an offspring. Well, how different are they from the animals? No. I don't wish to show the animals in any bad light. In fact, they make for much better parents than human beings. Only that they don't give their kids any formal education. But, does it really matter?

Ekanthapadhikan said...

Sorry for being a bit vociferous about that. I mean, it enrages me to see parents treating kids like that. Why do such people have kids when there are millions who go around temples and other religious places of worship and visit a new doctor every other month and all this just to have a baby of their own?

Ah! Some questions could never be answered, I guess!

Jingle said...

funny comment above,

well,
family issues are very complicated, stay away from trouble if you can, Happy Monday!

Anita said...

That's a hard one, but I can understand your decision.
Would it ever be possible to tell her that being in her presence reminds you of your childhood and that it would be too hard for you to witness her relationship with her kids? Maybe she'd think about it.
On the other hand, that might take you down a road that you don't want to be on.

otin said...

It sucks when you have to sit back and watch kids be raised in an unpleasant environment by someone who is a relative.

Jen said...

Thanks everyone for your support. To answer some of your questions, they don't recognize it as abuse. They think they are raising their kids up right and people not doing the same is what's wrong with the world today. When my daughter was younger, I was chastised for holding and cuddling and playing with her too much because I was spoiling her. The only way to save my sanity and prevent my daughter growing up the same way was to leave.

buffalodick said...

If you can help- help...if you can't, don't..

John McElveen said...

High Five,

J

ρομπερτ said...

A deep bow in respect of this entry of yours !
Even though having parents that did support me always, there were mostly other students,teachers making life difficult, one even called me Roberta in front of the class, time and again.
Please have a nice Tuesday.

Christiejolu said...

That is so sad...I don't understand this...why would a parent want to call their own kids stupid??? I don't even know what to say except good for you for not accepting her request...

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Oh, my...that's absolutely awful!! I don't blame you a bit! ~Janine XO

alady'slife said...

Wheneever my kids came home and complained about people talking this way, I always told them its not about you. Its about them and how they feel about themselves. If they were hurt this way then they will hurt this way So my kids were never affected cause they understood. They'd just say sorry you feel this way. :)

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