Wanna Stay in Love with My Sorrow

Lithium, don't wanna lock me up inside
Lithium, don't wanna forget how it feels without
Lithium, I wanna stay in love with my sorrow
Oh, but God I wanna let it go

  - Evanescence



Time to stop paying attention to his words and start paying attention to his actions.  Nothing we have planned has ever happened.  I'm supposed to believe that all of this past summer he couldn't find any time to meet, even though I was already on the road traveling and could have easily added a trip to Wyoming?  And in the next 365 days he can't find 2 to reserve for me?  That's a stretch.  

Even if Wyoming didn't know he was lying to me and fully intended on doing those things...even if he really hopes I'll move to Hawaii and we'll be together...there is no precident that makes me believe it actually will happen.


I met a new guy this weekend - and couldn't stop thinking about Wyoming.  I can't give him or any other guy a fair chance as long as I'm hung up on a ghost.  I told him that until he's ready to take it to the real world, I have to let him go.  We can't keep talking like we have.

It's so hard not to call and say, "I didn't mean it.  That was Sybil speaking..."  I so want to hold on to the hope that I'll be living in Hawaii next year.    

Maybe...

Image from Flickr.

In addition to the previously posted insomnia-inspired text requesting Wyoming to change his status on Facebook, I  also sent "Hate your status...hate her XOXO comments...hate Facebook".  I read it the next morning and regretted it.  How whiny, insecure and jealous does that sound?  I need to invest in a time lock safe for my cell phone.

We talked on the phone last night.  He said, "What's this hate her XOXO business?"

Uh oh...

"Are we in a relationship?"

Um...well...

"I'm confused.  I can't figure out what you want from me and I want to know where we stand."

Huh?

Get a Grip

I recently attended a triathlon seminar at REI which focused largely on equipment and safety.  One of the things discussed was that  bike handlebars must have the holes on the ends plugged or covered with grips.  Otherwise, you may take a core sample of a competitor's body - or your own - if your bike falls.  I came home yesterday to find that my daughter had removed one of the grips and was working on the other because she didn't like them.  Is she trying to give her mother a nervous breakdown?

Today we went to the bike shop to get some new grips.  I went to get the bike and load it on my bike rack and discovered she had removed the handlebars.  "We don't have to take the whole bike."  So her brain does function...

I Don't Like Your Girlfriend

The voice is screaming and I can't make her shut up. 

Just because he changed his status immediately before adding her as a friend doesn't automatically mean anything.  He added 20 other people at the same time.  Her little :) in the comments could just mean that she's happy he found someone.  The XOXO could just be one of those silly little posts dumb girls write on guy's walls all the time.  Just because everyone is congratulating her on her move to Hawaii and leaving comments about it being wonderful news and they're so excited and happy for her doesn't mean they're an item.  They could be excited because she's moving to paradise.  He told me some chick from his hometown was sharing expenses with him and one of his guy friends.  Living in Hawaii is expensive.

The insomnia inspired texting urge strikes again.  "You know, that status really bothers me.  It's not an ultimatum, but I wish it would change back to single."

He fires back that he didn't know everyone would be so upset...12 people called him today...he hates Facebook.  And he took the whole profile down.  Wow.

SHUT  UP!  Just because you're almost never wrong doesn't mean ANYTHING!!!!

Goodies

"Hi Jennifer.  This is P____ in the leasing office.  I'm calling to let you know there was a delivery for you yesterday.  You can pick it up any time before 6.  Also, I noticed you put out some flyers.  Would you mind collecting any that are still out.  We don't want to advertise which are the vacant apartments.  We don't usually allow soliciting."  Damn.  I guess I can't put out any more flyers here.  

But yay, my first Avon order has arrived!  I got a slow start because of my asthma, so I just picked a bunch of stuff that was on sale.  I have to take advantage of the 40% off I get for my first four campaigns.  I got everything in the box for around 60 dollars:  4 full size shower gels, 2 full size shampoos, 2 full size conditioners, 2 full size Skin So Soft hand creams, 10 mini bath and body items, 6 lip glosses, 4 lipsticks, 4 cream-to-powder eyeshadows, 1 mascara, 2 nail polishes, 4 lip balms...click to enlarge if you want to see it all.  Yes, I put little removable stickers so I can remember how much to charge.  I can resell for 100 dollars or my daughter and I can use it ourselves.  I'll probably carry it around for awhile and see if anyone is interested.  Every item is 5 dollars or less, so I think I've got a decent chance at unloading most of it.  I only ordered shades I can wear, just in case...    

An Ocean Apart

Sunset Pacific Ocean 1, originally uploaded by FarhadFarhad .(Farhad Jahanbani).

Image from Flickr.

He says that he's not in a relationship...he didn't meet anyone yet...he's not dating...he changed his status so people [women?] would stop hassling him. He did try to call me first. I saw the missed call on my phone.

He's still an ocean away, though, with little to no chance that I'll see him before June. We both have kids in school. Which of us will abandon our children on holiday breaks to visit the other? Not me. If he had time off on the holidays and didn't spend it with his kids, I'd lose all respect for him.

He asked if I'd met someone local to go out with. (He doesn't care, but he keeps asking?) I told him that having an understanding that both of us were free to date and telling him about my dates were two different things. "What? I don't get to know?"

He hasn't made it his business. If it gets serious with someone local, I'll give him the courtesy of a phone call. Until then, no. He doesn't get to know.

Fool

Why did I let myself get so attached to someone I'd met in person only briefly?  Someone four states - and now an ocean - away.  I'm such a fool.

I logged into Facebook and saw in my friend updates that Wyoming changed his status from "Single" to "In a Relationship".  What????  Where's my phone?  I've got a few choice words for him! 

Oh...he tried to call an hour ago...just before he changed his status.  Well, damn.  Now I can't call and tell him he sucks for letting me find out like that.  So I leave him a message telling him, "Yeah.  I saw your status."  And then I send a text:  Good luck.

And tomorrow I'll put on a happy face and pretend my heart isn't broken...        

Purple Haze: An Avon Giveaway and Update

Avon True Color Eyeshadow Quad is available in Purple Haze (demoed above) and 9 other color palettes.  I'm giving one away.  To enter:

1)  Go to my online Avon store:        http://www.youravon.com/jenniferdavidson
2)  Click on the shop now tab.
3)  Cut and paste into the search box located on the top right:  True Color Eyeshadow Quad.
4)  Two choices come up.  Choose the one on the right and leave one comment telling me which of the 10 color palettes you'd like to win.  Remember to leave an email address if it's not visible on your profile so I can contact you if you win. 

Last day to enter is September 27, 2010.


The other choice is a selection of limited edition shades on sale for 59% off - $3.25.  Feel free to check those out, too.   



I've calculated that each half page flyer that I've been hanging on doors costs approximately 12 cents to print.  That's way too expensive.  Kinko's will do for 4 cents each and that includes cutting.  It will be black and white, but I don't think that matters.  I've already bought the ink, so I printed enough to hang one on every door in my apartment complex.  If I get at least $100 in orders I'll pick another apartment complex and do it again, but Kinko's will be doing the printing.     

CONTEST CLOSED.  Congratulations to the winner, Christiejolu.

Your Bible is Broken

Yes, she's crazy...

The above has always been one of my favorite scenes from the TV series Firefly because it reminds me of all the people in my life who have tried to convince me that God cannot exist by pointing out inconsistencies - real or imagined - in a book written by men.  I don't care if you think you can prove something in the Bible didn't happen.  (Plus, it's funny.  I love River.)

What made me think of that?  I've met a new friend that has me thinking I need to find a church and start attending services again.  I haven't been in a long time because the minute they start preaching hatred or prejudice, I have to leave. 

I also believe in the big bang theory, that the earth is millions of years old, and in evolution.  A lot of people try to tell me I can't be Christian and believe those things.  That's ridiculous.  If we let the church dictate all of our scientific beliefs, we'd still be teaching our children that the planet is flat and the sun revolves around the earth.  

When I first met my friend, I told her I couldn't hang with religious people because they thought they were better than everyone else.  I can't be friends with someone who is constantly judging or attend a church where sinners aren't welcome.  Her response was, "We're all sinners.  If we weren't, we wouldn't need Christ."  Maybe I'll tag along with her one Sunday morning...       

Psychos Welcome

Never get bored and lonely late one night and decide to fill out a matchmaker profile just for the heck of it.  You'll feel better in the morning, but the agency will hound you relentlessly.  You'll think, "I'll just ignore their phone calls and they'll go away."  Wrong.  So you'll decide to answer and tell them you're not really relationship material right now and they'll stop calling.  Wrong again.

I painted myself in the most horrible light I could...unemployed...less than satisfactory credit rating...still not over the last guy that broke my heart...responded "not recently" when asked if I'd ever committed a felony...and they still want me to go to their office for an interview.  This does not inspire confidence in the men they will think are a good match.  It's actually more than a little frightening.

There Goes the Neighborhood

Yep, I've blacked out my phone number and email but the URL to my AVON online store and a code for free shipping on your first order is still visible if you click to enlarge.  Or  I can just tell you it's http://www.youravon.com/jenniferdavidson and the code is REPFLYER.

If leaving flyers on doors didn't bring in new customers, I wouldn't find so many on mine.  I'll start with my apartment complex and then move on to the rest of the neighborhood.  I bought new ink just for printing these so I'll know exactly how much it's costing.  We'll see if it's worth the effort...      

Getting Nervous

cooking ramen noodle soup in a pot, originally uploaded by Gdnght1.

Image from Flickr.


I checked my bank account balance again today. I'm starting to get very nervous. I only have enough money to live comfortably for two more months. I'm going to have to pull some more money out of my retirement account. I didn't want to, but I really don't want to go back to the days of paying all except a dollar for rent then taking that dollar to the grocery store to buy ramen noodles and iced tea. I'll Fed Ex the paperwork tomorrow and I think I'll get the money by October 1st.

I'll be looking for work so I can make it last longer this time. I'm thinking of signing on with a temp agency. In the past they've been able to put me in an assignment right away. That will allow me to put my education first. If I have to take a few days to study for a test, I won't have to worry about getting flack from a boss. I wonder how many assignments are available, though, in this economy.

Late

Mom, wait up for me., originally uploaded by aratway.

Image from Flickr.

Remember the days when our kids couldn't stand for us to be out of their sight? Remember hearing, "Look at me, Mom. You're not looking! Hey! Wait for me!" I miss those days.

Last night, during the storm I expected my daughter to come home right after her Cosmotology late lab. I called after 8 because she wasn't at home and learned she was at the mall trying on clothes. "No problem, I just thought you were in a ditch full of water or in someone's trunk. That's all."

Today I expected her home around 3. I called after 4 and learned she was cutting a friend's hair. Does she think that because her curfew is 9 that means she doesn't have to let me know she's not coming straight home? That I'm not going to care where she is?

Thankfully, we didn't get any more rain today so at least I didn't have to worry about her driving during a tropical storm.

Tropical Storm Hermine

(EZRA) 22/52: The rain cleanses the world, originally uploaded by ilovestrawberries (Carmi).

Image from Flickr

I woke up yesterday morning to the sound of rain. I snuggled under the covers and enjoyed the sound of the raindrops hitting the roof a little while longer before I dragged myself out of bed to start my day.
A few hours later, it seemed the storm had passed and my daughter was preparing to join a friend for a bike ride. Then we heard thunder. She decided to go anyway. "She'll learn," I thought to myself.

Then I turned the TV to The Weather Channel to get a look at the radar. What's this about a tropical storm? Where did that come from? There was nothing in the Gulf yesterday morning...was there? This is what happens when you don't pay attention during hurricane season - storms sneak up on you.

The rain was coming down in sheets now, so I called my daughter to find out where she was. "We're under a bridge." There is a section of the hike / bike path that goes under the main road to a shopping center. My bike rack holds two bikes and I offered to go get them, but she said they thought they could make it back during the next break in the rain. About an hour later, she walked in the door soaking wet.

Today was even wetter than yesterday. We are under a flash flood and a tornado watch, but they did not cancel school. They did not even cancel after school programs, so my daughter is in her Cosmotology late lab. It makes me very nervous when she has to drive in this weather. I hope it doesn't rain like this tomorrow, or it will flood. I'm safe in my third floor apartment, but I worry about the roads.

Road Trip 2010: Gearing Up at REI

After about a week in Utah, it was time to travel south and meet up with my backpacking friends in New Mexico.  I stopped at the REI in Albequerque to pick up a few items I decided I wanted.  I walked to the counter with 400 dollars in merchandise and the woman told me, "You need a membership."  Apparently I get a rebate once a year on my purchases and can also return anything for any reason for a full refund as a member.  

I finally got some trekking poles.  That's me using them in the Grand Canyon.  They make a huge difference in the amount of stress on my knees when I'm going downhill, and when I'm going uphill I can use my arms to help climb.  I love them.  I use them on all hikes now, even though I did get a few looks in the more crowded areas along the Rim Trail in the Grand Canyon.  Two different people asked if I was expecting snow.

I also bought a water filter and a stove.  I used the filter to pump water out of the lake.  It took less than 5 minutes to pump 3 liters and the water tasted very good.  You can drink it instantly instead of waiting hours for the tablets to work.  It's lighter and takes up less space than extra water, so I may be using it a lot.  The stove boils water in two minutes or less.  Everyone in my outdoor group seems to have a Jetboil.  I bought a purple one so I'd know which one was mine - and because I like purple.  They are much easier to use than any other stoves I've tried.  You don't even have to light a match - just attach the fuel can and push a button.     You can buy a pan that attaches, but I don't have one yet.  

I bought an extra Camelbak water bladder, some misc. small items, and way more dehydrated food than I needed.  Oh, well...we'll call it hurricane supplies.  The stove is also good for that.  One of the guys on the backpacking trip says if they issue a boil water warning after a storm, you can use the filter instead.  I don't know if that's true.        

     

Missing a Friend

In memorium..., originally uploaded by ~Misty~.

Image from Flickr.

Apparently it's not just men that I talk to on the phone all the time but have only met once in real life that I get too attached to. I get attached to my blog friends, too. I know it's insane, but even though I haven't met you guys in person I feel like you're truly my friends. Some visit daily, some weekly, some every now and then...just like friends in the real world.

While I was traveling, I rarely posted and visited your blogs even less. If you didn't leave a comment on one of my infrequent posts, I may not have visited yours at all. I did miss you guys and am trying to get back to them all.

On my previous breaks, it was always Buffalodick who would post comments asking where the hell I was. He didn't this time. I thought maybe he finally gave up on me. A few days ago, I went to visit his blog and saw a message from his son that he had passed unexpectedly. What? When? How? W H Y ? ? ? !!!

He was one of my first and one of my most loyal followers. I don't think there were many posts he didn't read and comment on. I miss my blog buddy.

Look Ma No Hands

My daughter has been saving her pennies and finally had enough to order a bike online.  That's it in the photo, parked in the breezeway outside my front door.  We had to assemble the front wheel, handlebars, and seat.  I think we did pretty good but the saddle is still a little wobbly. 

She told me it was a fixed gear and she wanted to take off the brakes because she didn't need them.  Has she lost her mind?  No way am I letting her ride a bike without brakes.  That's going to fall under the category of  "as long as you live under my roof ".  She seems to believe that a fixed gear bike is something new that her generation invented.  She says, "You don't know what fixed gear is or you wouldn't be telling me I need brakes."  Wrong.  I remember having only one speed and I much prefer my 24 gears.  No way I'd pay 600 dollars for something without derailleurs.     

She wanted to borrow my bike rack so she could take it her father's and I was going to let her at first, but then I remembered I would have to adjust all of the straps to make them the right length for her car.  It took me weeks to get them just right for mine.  We took the front wheel back off instead and tried to put it in her trunk but we couldn't figure out how to put her seats down to create more space.  They look like they are designed to drop (aren't all cars these days?) but there are no obvious levers.  Does anyone know how to do this in a Chevy?  We finally got it in the back seat and she was able to take it with her even though she has to hold the handlebar while she's closing the door to make it fit.

Maybe now I'll finally be able to convince her to ride with me...         

My First Giveaway

Image from Flickr.

I've decided to try my hand at sales and have become an Avon Independent Sales Representative. To celebrate, I'm hosting my first giveaway.  No, not the dog.  I'm not allowed to reproduce images of Avon products to post here, so that image will have to suffice.

I've been reading the advertising and promotions guidelines and I'm confused. I'm not allowed to use my personal homepage to advertise Avon products or to promote my Avon business. I am allowed to " link your web site or your web page on a web site (including any social networking web sites such as MySpace, Friendster, FaceBook, etc.) to your approved eRepresentative Personalized Page, provided, you follow all Avon Trademark, Advertising/Promotion and eRepresentative Policies and Procedures."

Well, I'm not selling anything - I'm giving it away.  Here's the link I'm allowed to post:  http://jenniferdavidson.avonrepresentative.com/.  That is my personal Avon website.  Please feel free to browse.
I'm giving away  one Ultra Color Rich Lipstick.  To enter:  Click here,  choose a color, and leave one comment stating which color you'd like to win.  Don't forget to leave your email address if it's not linked to your profile so I can contact you if you win.  Men, don't be afraid to enter!  I'll be using the random.org site to choose a winner, who will have 48 hours to claim his/her prize.

Maybe I'll get fancy with extra entries on my next giveaway.  Let's see how this one goes first.

Last day to enter:  September 14, 2010.

CONTEST CLOSED.  Congratulations jhitomi.

Mission Accomplished

I called the pharmacy again today and they still had not received authorization for the refill.  I contacted the doctor's office and was told, "I'll have to check with the doctor and call you back."

"That's what you said last time and no one ever called."  Then I heard the doctor talking about me in the background and it wasn't complimentary.  I let the woman schedule an appointment, but immediately grabbed my phonebook when I hung up.  I normally like to get referrals instead of choosing at random, but didn't think it could be much worse.  I chose an allergy and asthma specialist and got an appointment for this afternoon.  I then called my old doc's office and cancelled, saying "I'm going to someone closer who's office hasn't ignored me for a week."

I paid 150 dollars to see the new doc, but she gave me a sample instead of writing a scrip.  I got Ventolin this time.  That little window near the bottom is a dose counter, so I'll always know exactly how much is left.  She also said when 20 doses remain to call and she'll give me more samples of it and the Symbicort.  Since one month's worth of Symbicort is 200 dollars, it easily makes up for the unexpected expense of the office visit.   

Now that I've got my albuterol, I can start training again.  The new doc says that's probably what keeps me out of the emergency room and I should definitely keep it up.  My marathon (soon to be triathlon) habit is not as expensive as the ER, so I believe I will.  Besides, now it's doctor's orders.

Ticked Off

54/365 “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” Buddha 72/365, originally uploaded by JustCallMe_♥Bethy♥_.

Image from Flickr.

I have been trying to get my Proventil refilled since Monday. I have heard nothing from the doctor's office and neither has the pharmacist. I called the office today to find out what was the delay. The nurse(?) who answered the phone was quite rude, saying I hadn't been in for awhile and she didn't know where this prescription came from. I told her since the canister is now completely empty I'd appreciate if they could at least approve one refill and I'd make an appointment if necessary. She said (quite abruptly) that she'd have to talk to the doctor and call me back. She never called.

I just talked to the pharmacist again and the refill is still not approved. I am an asthmatic with no rescue inhaler - and I've been having trouble breathing for the last week. I may need to find a doctor who's got employees that give a damn about my health.