Saturday, August 28, 2010

I Give Up


White Flag, originally uploaded by Nika Fadul.

Image from Flickr.
I wanted Vince to be wrong. He may have been a bit harsh, but he wasn't wrong. I'm not going to be able to relocate or travel much for a year because my daughter and I will both be in school. Wyoming is taking a new job in Hawaii which will take up a lot of hours and he can't start asking for vacations and time off right away so he doesn't see how we'll be able to commit to a relationship right now. I understand all that, but I find it hard to believe that he can't find any time for me at all. If he wanted to find the time, he would.

What's really confusing is that he's still talking about me maybe moving to Hawaii to be with him in a year and promising - unprompted - that he's not seeing anyone and not planning to date anyone. He says it will be okay. We'll stay in touch and the year will pass before I know it. I asked him how can I trust that he'll magically change his behavior and have time for me in a year. "I'm not issuing any ultimatums but I'm not making any promises, either," is what I told him.

Clearly, I'm not capable of talking with him the way we have been and not getting too attached. (Did I tell you he writes songs about me?) It's going to be hard not to call and text him, but I know I have to. But what do I do when he calls? Do I ignore him? Do I ask him not to call for a while? What if he doesn't call? Why do I feel and sound like I'm still in junior high? Why doesn't this ever get any easier?

Why does this keep happening? I know that I'm the common denominator. I'm not looking for the next guy. I don't need the stress. It's time to throw myself into school, training for the triathlon, and figuring out how to support myself and my daughter now that funds are running lower.

On a brighter note: I did take my vacation to Vegas and the Grand Canyon. I'll post more on that later.

12 comments:

Vince said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Vince said...

And I with my semi romantic heart wanted Vince to be wrong also.

Kelly said...

It doesn't sound like he's being very reasonable.

I'm looking forward to your Vegas/Grand Canyon pix!

sage said...

I'm looking forward about hearing on your trip to Vegas and the Grand Canyon. I wonder if you were in Vegas when I was? As for Wyoming... Don't feel so bad, it hurts when things don't work out how we want them to work out. But it is better to love than not! Take care of yourself.

Christiejolu said...

This is a tough one...Only you can decide what is right for you...I know me I would cut him off but I have serious commitment issues...I have decided to focus on school 100%...But then I found guitar Dude and that just started to work out...So when you are not looking for love it will hit you in the face...Good luck to ya!

jack69 said...

From up in the senior years looking back, I'm sorry to say matters of the heart are a concern until we die. They cause as much stress as we will let them. As you said YOU are the common denominator.

Personally I would try to treat WY. as a good friend (If that is possible) We folk are good at advice, but not so good at following it. hahaha!

Oh, we head for Moab monday morning! Looking forward to seeing the things you talked about.
From Colorado Springs,
Jack & Sherry

Brian Miller said...

smiles. hope the vacation was fun and cant wait to see...sorry about the rest,,,it think WY is a good friend as well but dont anchor yourself there....

found another geocahe with the boys a week back..

Boonie S said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Boonie S said...

Oh, confusplications!
Go and have a beer, have a good time, and don't give two fanciful fava beans about anything else.

All the best, Boonie

Tempo said...

Bummer, I really wanted Vince to be wrong as well. (sorry Vince) This long distance relationship stuff is so damn hard. It always feels like the same high school stuff eh? Good luck with it.

Lucy said...

Glad I finally found one to really settle down. It takes work, love and commitment to feel secure and then you sometimes wonder.

A Lady's Life said...

You need to calm down and take one day at a time. No one is forcing you to do anything.
Go with the flow. Live your life and see what happens.
In the mean time be free. You are you know and so is he.

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