Trapped

Photos are clickable for a better view. 

"Mama!  There's a hummingbird trapped in the skylight!" my daughter informed me when she cam home from school.  The poor thing couldn't figure out how fly down and then out of the breezeway.  I wanted to help, but I don't have a butterfly net and didn't want to chase him with a broom for fear of hurting him.  

      

He kept trying to find a way out until he was so exhausted that he finally fell three stories.  I rushed down the stairs and scooped him up before the little dog I spotted (off of his leash) found him.  

       

The dog owner asked if he was a baby. 

"No.  This is a hummingbird.  This is as big as they get."

I took him over to an oleander bush that was covered in dew hoping he could rest there in safety and maybe get a drink while he recovered.  He wouldn't let go of my finger.  I could feel his poor little heart beating faster than I thought was possible.  Finally he flew up high into a pine tree.  I hope the little guy is okay. 

Maybe it's a she...don't the males have the ruby-colored throats?

Just Breathe

Oxygen Temples - Asthma t-shirt, originally uploaded by FiveHumans.

Image from Flickr.

Things would be much easier for me this week if I wasn't stuck inside, bouncing off the walls. I normally exorcise my demons by taking a run or a very long walk...stomping out my frustrations...

My asthma is getting bad again. I can't get through an entire sentence without taking a breath. At least I'm not speaking one word at a time. It is getting progressively worse, though, so I guess I'll call and see if my doctor will prescribe some oral steroids over the phone. I have no insurance and a doctor's visit isn't in the budget. I really can't afford an emergency room visit, though, so I will go if I have to.

I'm supposed to be training for a triathlon. I hope this doesn't last three months again. We take such simple things like breathing for granted...until we can't.

Ladybugs

In one of my favorite scenes from Under the Tuscan Sun, the main character's friend is telling her how when she was a girl she would search and search for ladybugs and could never find them.  She finally gave up and fell asleep in the garden.  When she woke up, there were ladybugs crawling all over her. 

She said, "Look at you.  You're sad.  You're boring.  Go work on your house and forget about it." 

Wyoming isn't evil.  He always takes my calls even when I'm upset.  If I say "I want to finish this conversation tonight, call me" - he calls me.  I believe his friendship is real if nothing else.  The more I think about it, the more I think it's best to keep things at a friendship level.  Trying to maintain a long distance relationship for a year would be very stressful.  I'd rather nap in the garden and wait for the ladybugs to find me...

  

I Give Up

White Flag, originally uploaded by Nika Fadul.

Image from Flickr.

I wanted Vince to be wrong. He may have been a bit harsh, but he wasn't wrong. I'm not going to be able to relocate or travel much for a year because my daughter and I will both be in school. Wyoming is taking a new job in Hawaii which will take up a lot of hours and he can't start asking for vacations and time off right away so he doesn't see how we'll be able to commit to a relationship right now. I understand all that, but I find it hard to believe that he can't find any time for me at all. If he wanted to find the time, he would.

What's really confusing is that he's still talking about me maybe moving to Hawaii to be with him in a year and promising - unprompted - that he's not seeing anyone and not planning to date anyone. He says it will be okay. We'll stay in touch and the year will pass before I know it. I asked him how can I trust that he'll magically change his behavior and have time for me in a year. "I'm not issuing any ultimatums but I'm not making any promises, either," is what I told him.

Clearly, I'm not capable of talking with him the way we have been and not getting too attached. (Did I tell you he writes songs about me?) It's going to be hard not to call and text him, but I know I have to. But what do I do when he calls? Do I ignore him? Do I ask him not to call for a while? What if he doesn't call? Why do I feel and sound like I'm still in junior high? Why doesn't this ever get any easier?

Why does this keep happening? I know that I'm the common denominator. I'm not looking for the next guy. I don't need the stress. It's time to throw myself into school, training for the triathlon, and figuring out how to support myself and my daughter now that funds are running lower.

On a brighter note: I did take my vacation to Vegas and the Grand Canyon. I'll post more on that later.

Don't Tell Me What I Need

The video is So What by Pink.  (Love her attitude.  I want to see a certain someone jump on stage while she's accepting an award.)  I hope VEVO doesn't block too many this time.



The other day, Wyoming and I were talking on the phone and I had to change the subject because my daughter was in the room.  I told him, "I'm not alone."

"Are you with a guy or your daughter?"

"My daughter."

"I wouldn't care if you were with a guy."

Mmm hmmm.  He asked because he doesn't care...

Then the next time I talked to him he said I should be going out on dates.  "Why are you pushing me to go out with other guys?  What's wrong with you?"

"You have needs."

WTF?  Whether I see other guys or not is my decision, not his.  I didn't pick up when he called last night because I was afraid I'd rip him a new one. 

I'm not looking for someone to date right now no matter what happens with Wyoming.  I'd rather concentrate on my triathlon and school.  If I meet somebody, great.  If I don't that's okay, too.  I think it might be time to go see the Grand Canyon and Las Vegas.  I got all excited about going and a certain poker player bailed.  I don't need a man to take me.  I'll take myself.

I'm Not Here for Your Entertainment

What's up with guys calling almost a year after we met?  Seriously?  And at 11:00 on a Saturday night.  Gee, I wonder what he wants...

Bloggers Wanted

Blogger Barbie, originally uploaded by BitchBuzz.

Image from Flickr.


Last night I was looking through Craig's List and decided to check out the job listings for writers. I was surprised at how many were looking for bloggers. There are ads for contributing writers for blogs about our baseball, basketball, and football teams, but I don't know enough about those sports to apply. There is an ad for an MMA blog. I might answer that one. I have already responded to a movie blog ad and I'm thinking about responding to an ad for a travel writer.

None of these are paying jobs. They are either listed as an intern position or state there might be earning potential in the future. As long as they don't ask me to invest anything more than a little time, I'll give it a shot and see what happens. I'm not sending anyone any money.

P.S. Am I the only one who finds the Craig's List personal ads entertaining? A little bit frightening - but entertaining. (No, I'm not meeting anyone from Craig's List.)