Sunday, April 11, 2010

Black and White

Photo from FLICKR.  The Bride Wore Black, originally uploaded by Olivier Jules.
My daughter was invited to a wedding with her boyfriend this weekend - in Austin. I was tempted not to let her go. If a guy takes a date to a wedding, doesn't that generally mean he's pretty committed? I'm not sure I want my daughter to be in such a serious relationship at the age of 17.

I don't want to deny her the experience of dating and falling in love, though. I don't think my parents did me any favors by making me stay at home. I was rarely allowed to attend parties or go out with friends, much less date. Would I have been better able to recognize toxic relationships and end them quickly if they hadn't been so strict? I ended up letting her go even though it was an overnight trip.

She needed to go and buy a dress since she doesn't have one suitable for a wedding. I told her not to buy black or white because black is for funerals and white is for the bride. Apparently, this advice is old-fashioned and out of date. Several people told her that was no longer true and a few had never even heard of that rule. Would any of you wear black or white to a wedding?

She settled on a lovely little black dress not too trampy and not too modest. I wish she would come on a cruise with me or someplace else where we could both have fun dressing nice. How did I end up with such a beautiful daughter? I don't remember ever being that pretty.


Brian Miller said...

again, it is your parents heart speaking...hard to watch them grow up. let her have her freedom, but make sure she understands the boundaries...seventeen is a care free age. let her hear your heart.

gayle said...

I agree with Brian!

As far as the dress..I have heard both of those rules. I would not wear white but I would wear black!

kenju said...

I agree with Gayle about the dress; never white, but I have worn black to evening weddings.

Vince said...

Mourning weeds would be at or below the knee. Higher at a funeral, well, it would not be his(the Host) culinary faculties that would cause it.
And I do not think I've ever seen a woman other than a bride in white.
On the cruise idea -something I think is a floating prison- when you were 17 would you have enjoyed it.

Tempo said...

You cant keep them wrapped up in cotton wool but I'm not sure there is a right or wrong way to raise them. You can do everything right and still end up heart broken. My long gone nan told me to raise my girls right and even if they run off the tracks they will eventually come back to what they know and were taught. (it worked for me!)

Heather said...

I'm with you on the color choices, that is what I was raised to know.

17 is such a hard age, you never fully know what will help or harm. We just do the best we can with what knowledge and experiences we have.

Be careful though, I was married at 17!

Jen said...

@Brian Miller: 17 is an adult in Texas. The only boundaries now are "you have to live with the consequences".

@gayle and kenju: Now that I know it's allowed, I may start wearing black.

@Vince: I would have loved to go on a cruise at 17. I used to watch Love Boat and wish I was the captain's daughter.

@Tempo: I think she is already her own person. I hope I have done a good job. I think I'm about to find out.

@Heather: 17 is a hard age. Being a teenager sucked. All those people that say those are the best years LIE!!!

Vince said...

with your mother ?.

Jen said...

@Vince: I wouldn't even go with my mother today.

Buckeroomama said...

I'm not there yet, but I think you did the right thing in letting her go. We do the best we can with our children and all we can do, when the time for us to let go, is to pray that we have done enough and have "done right by them."

Jen said...

@Buckeroomama: I pray more that she doesn't run into people that will take advantage of her. I made sure she knew it was ok to take a taxi to a hotel and call me to come get her if anything happened.

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