Wanna Stay in Love with My Sorrow

Lithium, don't wanna lock me up inside
Lithium, don't wanna forget how it feels without
Lithium, I wanna stay in love with my sorrow
Oh, but God I wanna let it go

  - Evanescence



Time to stop paying attention to his words and start paying attention to his actions.  Nothing we have planned has ever happened.  I'm supposed to believe that all of this past summer he couldn't find any time to meet, even though I was already on the road traveling and could have easily added a trip to Wyoming?  And in the next 365 days he can't find 2 to reserve for me?  That's a stretch.  

Even if Wyoming didn't know he was lying to me and fully intended on doing those things...even if he really hopes I'll move to Hawaii and we'll be together...there is no precident that makes me believe it actually will happen.


I met a new guy this weekend - and couldn't stop thinking about Wyoming.  I can't give him or any other guy a fair chance as long as I'm hung up on a ghost.  I told him that until he's ready to take it to the real world, I have to let him go.  We can't keep talking like we have.

It's so hard not to call and say, "I didn't mean it.  That was Sybil speaking..."  I so want to hold on to the hope that I'll be living in Hawaii next year.    

Maybe...

Image from Flickr.

In addition to the previously posted insomnia-inspired text requesting Wyoming to change his status on Facebook, I  also sent "Hate your status...hate her XOXO comments...hate Facebook".  I read it the next morning and regretted it.  How whiny, insecure and jealous does that sound?  I need to invest in a time lock safe for my cell phone.

We talked on the phone last night.  He said, "What's this hate her XOXO business?"

Uh oh...

"Are we in a relationship?"

Um...well...

"I'm confused.  I can't figure out what you want from me and I want to know where we stand."

Huh?

Get a Grip

I recently attended a triathlon seminar at REI which focused largely on equipment and safety.  One of the things discussed was that  bike handlebars must have the holes on the ends plugged or covered with grips.  Otherwise, you may take a core sample of a competitor's body - or your own - if your bike falls.  I came home yesterday to find that my daughter had removed one of the grips and was working on the other because she didn't like them.  Is she trying to give her mother a nervous breakdown?

Today we went to the bike shop to get some new grips.  I went to get the bike and load it on my bike rack and discovered she had removed the handlebars.  "We don't have to take the whole bike."  So her brain does function...

I Don't Like Your Girlfriend

The voice is screaming and I can't make her shut up. 

Just because he changed his status immediately before adding her as a friend doesn't automatically mean anything.  He added 20 other people at the same time.  Her little :) in the comments could just mean that she's happy he found someone.  The XOXO could just be one of those silly little posts dumb girls write on guy's walls all the time.  Just because everyone is congratulating her on her move to Hawaii and leaving comments about it being wonderful news and they're so excited and happy for her doesn't mean they're an item.  They could be excited because she's moving to paradise.  He told me some chick from his hometown was sharing expenses with him and one of his guy friends.  Living in Hawaii is expensive.

The insomnia inspired texting urge strikes again.  "You know, that status really bothers me.  It's not an ultimatum, but I wish it would change back to single."

He fires back that he didn't know everyone would be so upset...12 people called him today...he hates Facebook.  And he took the whole profile down.  Wow.

SHUT  UP!  Just because you're almost never wrong doesn't mean ANYTHING!!!!

Goodies

"Hi Jennifer.  This is P____ in the leasing office.  I'm calling to let you know there was a delivery for you yesterday.  You can pick it up any time before 6.  Also, I noticed you put out some flyers.  Would you mind collecting any that are still out.  We don't want to advertise which are the vacant apartments.  We don't usually allow soliciting."  Damn.  I guess I can't put out any more flyers here.  

But yay, my first Avon order has arrived!  I got a slow start because of my asthma, so I just picked a bunch of stuff that was on sale.  I have to take advantage of the 40% off I get for my first four campaigns.  I got everything in the box for around 60 dollars:  4 full size shower gels, 2 full size shampoos, 2 full size conditioners, 2 full size Skin So Soft hand creams, 10 mini bath and body items, 6 lip glosses, 4 lipsticks, 4 cream-to-powder eyeshadows, 1 mascara, 2 nail polishes, 4 lip balms...click to enlarge if you want to see it all.  Yes, I put little removable stickers so I can remember how much to charge.  I can resell for 100 dollars or my daughter and I can use it ourselves.  I'll probably carry it around for awhile and see if anyone is interested.  Every item is 5 dollars or less, so I think I've got a decent chance at unloading most of it.  I only ordered shades I can wear, just in case...    

An Ocean Apart

Sunset Pacific Ocean 1, originally uploaded by FarhadFarhad .(Farhad Jahanbani).

Image from Flickr.

He says that he's not in a relationship...he didn't meet anyone yet...he's not dating...he changed his status so people [women?] would stop hassling him. He did try to call me first. I saw the missed call on my phone.

He's still an ocean away, though, with little to no chance that I'll see him before June. We both have kids in school. Which of us will abandon our children on holiday breaks to visit the other? Not me. If he had time off on the holidays and didn't spend it with his kids, I'd lose all respect for him.

He asked if I'd met someone local to go out with. (He doesn't care, but he keeps asking?) I told him that having an understanding that both of us were free to date and telling him about my dates were two different things. "What? I don't get to know?"

He hasn't made it his business. If it gets serious with someone local, I'll give him the courtesy of a phone call. Until then, no. He doesn't get to know.

Fool

Why did I let myself get so attached to someone I'd met in person only briefly?  Someone four states - and now an ocean - away.  I'm such a fool.

I logged into Facebook and saw in my friend updates that Wyoming changed his status from "Single" to "In a Relationship".  What????  Where's my phone?  I've got a few choice words for him! 

Oh...he tried to call an hour ago...just before he changed his status.  Well, damn.  Now I can't call and tell him he sucks for letting me find out like that.  So I leave him a message telling him, "Yeah.  I saw your status."  And then I send a text:  Good luck.

And tomorrow I'll put on a happy face and pretend my heart isn't broken...